*sigh!*

It's been a bit of a tough week.
But there have been many splices of joy intermingled with the yuckier elements of it. And for that, I am so grateful. My brother is HERE in NOME and it's almost hard to believe! How amazing it's felt to have him sitting around our table, lounging on the couch, teasing me, lovin' on the kids, and in general being the strange old fellow that he is. (Those of you who know him are do doubt smiling at that last one.) I love and admire him so much. Pictures are forethcoming, but I can't find the car reader to download them right now.
Carlee has felt pretty low all week, and it's been strange because normally she would have rebounded from her last treatment a week ago. I suppose it's draining more and more of her strength with each dose, and that's why recovery time is longer. Her last round of chemo is next week (WOW!!!) so they'll be leaving Tuesday morning for Anchorage.

I guess most of the "toughness" of this week has been inside of me. Battling with intense feelings: weariness (and not sure why), fiery anger, deep loneliness, dark guilt... all those nasty little darts the enemy throws when we're at our weakest. I've found myself saying, feeling, and doing things that really aren't like me, typically. Things I regret the second they're done.

Today a friend wrote me a note, and added this quote on the end: "grace is God working within us, without us." I like that.

I'd appreciate you're prayers that I'd be strong and joyful this next week, so I can shine like sunlight on Carlee and Nathan and the children instead of being a dark little cloud! Thank you to my friends who have promised that they would be praying for me at home. I don't want to divert any prayers from my sis...and I don't want to be complainish... but I do feel a need for them this week, and I'm grateful.

'Night, you all.

What an amazing little big family!