I was about to pray and ask Him to take the desire away.Desire to do something He hasn't chosen to allow me to do yet. When it seems that one's desire to serve Him in a certain way has been planted by Him in the first place, the thwarting of something like that can seem cruel in the worst moments and perplexing in the best. Instead of that prayer though, I felt prompted to pause and asked Him what He WANTED my prayer to be. And after a little while, after I had gotten distracted and gone through more of my day and then revisited that raw itching rash of a thought, my answer came. In the form of many snippets of verses I have attached myself to in the past. A barrage of promises, like a balm.
"Commit your way unto The Lord; trust also in Him."
"Delight yourself in The Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."
"Cease striving, and know that I am God."
"Trust in The Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path."
"No good thing will He withhold from those who walk up rightly."
"Trust in The Lord, and wait patiently for Him."
"WITH THANKSGIVING let your requests be made known to God."
Grace alone gives the ability to reaffirm my trust instead of asserting my will. I bowed my will
and found joy in that bending. Thwarted desire, instead of being a taunting enemy, can be transformed into an offering of faith. Then, relief! The joy of His smile.
Tonight I praise Him for His wisdom and for His goodness to me! That goodness has brought to me such great joy in life--(my precious Ryan's face always comes to mind when I think of that joy! What undeserved, lavish Goodness gave that gift to me?!)--and has not for one instant faltered!
I don't usually quite "get" Ann Voskamp's style of writing (a little random and hard for me to follow--maybe too poetic for my brain or something?)...but this quote arrested my attention this evening. maybe because it is along the lines of what Jesus whispered to my own heart today. Maybe you'll like it, too.
“Humbly let go. Let go of trying to do, let go of trying to control, let go of my own way, let go of my own fears. Let God blow His wind, His trials, oxygen for joy's fire. Leave the hand open and be. Be at peace. Bend the knee and be small and let God give what God chooses to give because He only gives love and whisper a surprised thanks. This is the fuel for joy's flame.
Fullness of joy is discovered only in the emptying of will. And I can empty. I can empty because counting His graces has awakened me to how He cherishes me, holds me, passionately values me. I can empty because I am full of His love. I can trust.” -Ann Voskamp