In Which Cinderella Meets a Prince

I can not believe that it's been 4 months since I last blogged. Seriously now, that is just wretched of me! This morning I was chatting with my Grandma, whose enjoying the sunny south (as Ohio is still trying decide whether or not it wants to bestow warmth on its chilled residents), and she decreed that I simply MUST blog because it's been far too long. Now when one's Grandma mandates such thing one must jump to the task, so I promised her that I'd blog. Today. Except that "today" is technically "tomorrow" since I'm writing this post after midnight. Still... no bed for me until I do this thing. Grandma, thanks for the motivation for your pitiful-excuse-of-a-blogger granddaughter! :)

Oh good heavens.... How to fit 4 months into a measly blog post!? Truth be told, that's terribly overwhelming so I'll skip a few things and mention that I have been keeping busy with my Bright Lights discipleship group (we're pushing 30 girls and I am THRILLED to see how God's working in their lives! Discipleship is exhilarating, rewarding, exhausting..! Ah, no words adequate.) I'm also continuing to enjoy leading worship from behind the piano at my church, and I am working part time as a nurse aid at the nursing home I've been employed at for 6 years. (Ha! So grateful to still have that job! My employment has been VERY sporadic between traveling the globe, following Jesus on the adventures He's taken me!)

Okay, on to fun stuff. Because this girl does not mention "Cinderella Meets a Prince" in a post topic unless she has very juicy and intriguing things to chat about. ;) SO- The story has to begin back in November when I was sitting next to my friend Sarah on the long flight from the US to Asia. As usually happens when I haven't seen a friend in a while, the topic "is-there-anything-at-all-even remotely-interesting-making-blips-on-the-radar-of-your-love-life" came up. I laughed. "Sarah, not only am I not in a relationship... I really and truly don't even KNOW any guys! And that's not even an exaggeration! God would have to do some crazy miracle for ME to be in a relationship anytime soon." (Forgive me if you are a single guy I know and you are reading this. I'm sure I just momentarily forgot about you and that forgetfulness was not, I assure you, intended as a slam. Just accurately retelling the story...) I told her that I knew it certainly wasn't because I didn't get out enough, because the past few years I've been gone almost more than I've been home. Our happy conclusion was that God's perfect timing for a romance hadn't come for us yet... and when it did, He wasn't going to be limited by who I didn't know or how far away Prince Charming might live, etc. 

I think He was smiling a little as He overheard us. Because I hadn't even returned from the trip when my dear friend RuthAnn mentioned in a Facebook message that I ought to meet her friend Ryan. It was my last few days in Australia and I was about ready to head home for the holidays. Oh, RuthAnn.... puhlease. I TOTALLY blew her off.

"Is he tall, dark, and handsome and loves Jesus? Then if you think he can contend with all the Aussie men who are clamoring for my hand, set me up!" I smugly smiled to myself, but was inwardly a little curious since RuthAnn and I are VERY close and I thought that she knew me better than to try to set me up with someone based on externals or cheesy compatibility comparisons. Her response came a few hours later. "GIRL...he's tall, dark, handsome, AND INTERESTED!" 

WHAT!? She actually took me seriously? Mentioned me to this guy? Crazy girl! 

Hmmmm. 

Kind of intriguing... 

But still pretty far fetched. 

I could get very wordy, because I'm having fun blogging again, but I won't. Long story short, Ryan made Christmas '12 a little tumultuous for me by not contacting me until the evening of the 25th... but that is TOTALLY okay, because he's the kind of guy who prays about decisions before jumping into them and he didn't even want to contact me without asking the Lord for wisdom. Wow... that was my first clue that he's not ordinary and that he's a wise, thoughtful, and Godly man. 

I've had lots of other clues to that effect since. :) We've been dating since February 1st and I'd have to say I'm pretty much the happiest I've ever been in my life! :) My family, friends, and coworkers are accusing me of having a "perma-smile" and I can't really deny it. :) 

( *Cough!* As evidenced by the fact that I just unwittingly put three smiley faces in a paragraph three sentences long. Nope, can't deny the perma-smile.) 

Ryan and I have been enjoying the journey as we seek God's face together, glean counsel from those we love and respect (particularly our parents), and have a blast getting to know each other better! He's studying at Cincinnati Christian University and plans to graduate with his Masters in Counseling next year. He is also the dean of men at GBS, another Christian college in Cincinnati. He has a passion for God and a heart for people that is challenging and motivating to me! He also happens to be a blast to be with and I love every minute of the visits we have when either I drive down to Cinci or he drives up to W-worth. 

If you've read my blog for any length of time you know that Christ is the consuming fire in my heart. I've been awed and amazed by the goodness of God in bringing me a guy with whom I love Jesus MORE than I did when I was walking alone. Far from distracting me from my faith dating him has made me so aware of areas I can grow in and ways I can nurture my love for the Lord... and wow, I can't think of a better complement to pay Ryan than that! :)

I'm looking forward to seeing where the Lord leads us from here and in the meantime just enjoying the journey. It's kinda' fun to be dating Mr. Wonderful. :) I have so many friends from so many places with whom I wish I could just sit down and chat about all these things. A few pictures and the small description I've written here is a pretty inadequate way to introduce you to Ryan, but if you click here you can hear him sharing a testimony from his life with his college chapel a while back. His story is one of grace and the ability of God to bring beauty in the midst of unimaginable pain. I would recommend you to listen to it even if Ryan WEREN'T my guy... but well since he is I guess I'm even a little more biased. ;)

I could gush. Could I ever gush. But I'll stop for now because I know from experience that gushing is usually only enjoyable for the gusher and not so much for those being gushed upon.

But I DO wish you could see how my heart swells with gratitude to Jesus for the way He's leading... the way He HAS led... the way He will lead. His ways are best. His guiding hand never falters. His "no's" are just as kind as His "yes's" and His "yes's" are impeccably timed. No matter what life brings I will continue to say "the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away; BLESSED be the name of the Lord!" 

Well, over and out for now... thanks for stopping in.

OH, wait... Pictures! :)

Our first picture together, at the Rainforest in Cleveland.
(Yes, he's a Michigan fan. Get over it.)

Making new memories at a childhood favorite... The West Side Market in Cleveland. 

Looking at old pictures. Too fun! :)

Yep, we're a good match.

With Ryan's mom at a school banquet in March

Ice skating... I hadn't been in years but this guy is an old pro and since he held me up, I had a blast!  :)

Conquering the rapids in the Smoky Mountains, with my parents too! :)

Ready to go to see the symphony in Cincinnati 

Shooting clays with my dad

This morning I had a bunch of things I wanted to do; but then as I was spending time with Jesus, a song started springing to my mind.
So I ended up getting almost nothing else done.
But you know what? It was worth it. It felt good to write again.
Maybe it was a gift from Him. :)


You give me peace, when my world is crumbling down,
You lift me up when it seems that I'm about to drown.
You bring me hope, when my heart is crushed by pain,
And in the joy You bring, my losses become gain.

You are all I need!

You satisfy this thirst in me.

You are all I adore!

Come, help me love You more.

You make me smile, when You whisper to my soul,
You give my heart a song, You give my life a goal. 
You rescue me when sin has brought disgrace,
And when I cry in shame, You cover me with grace.

You are all I need!
You satisfy this thirst in me.
You are all I adore!
Come, help me love You more.

And when I've reached the end of this long race,
Then I will bow my knees and look upon Your face
And I will touch the wound that pierced Your heart,
And then we'll dance and laugh, for nevermore we'll part! 

You are all I need!

You satisfy this thirst in me.

You are all I adore!

Come, help me love You more.

Entered Glory 57 Years Ago Today:

(Re-posting this from a couple years ago because there's not a lot to add to what my brothers have said.)

Pete Fleming (Age 27)"[The Lord] has been leading my meditation to the stringent statements of Christ regarding discipleship specially those words of Christ to His disciples before He sent them out…’He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for My sake shall find it.’ I have been directed to these and similar passages again and again. I should like to put these truths to the utmost test … Seemingly God delights in many instances to place men in situations which magnify their weaknesses for the simple delight of showing Himself strong to all observers”

Ed McCully (Age 28)“I have one desire now-to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord, putting all my energy and strength into it..."

Jim Elliot (Age 28)

--> “God, I pray Thee, light these idle sticks of my life and may I burn for Thee. Consume my life, my God, for it is Thine. I seek not a long life, but a full one, like you, Lord Jesus.”

Roger Youderian (Age 31)

"I will die to self. I will begin to ask God to put me in service of constant circumstances where to live Christ I must die to self. I will be alive unto God. That I may learn to love Him with my heart, mind, soul, and body."

Nate Saint (Age 32)

"People who do not know the Lord ask why in the world we waste our lives as missionaries. They forget that they too are expending their lives ... and when the bubble has burst, they will have nothing of eternal significance to show for the years they have wasted. ..If God would grant us the vision, the word ‘sacrifice’ would disappear from our lips and thoughts; we would hate the things that seem now so dear to us; our lives would suddenly be too short; we would despise time-robbing distractions and charge the enemy with all our energies in the name of Christ."

“God does not require that we be successful; only that we be faithful.”

-Mother Theresa

Back to School :)

Lately the story of Jesus' friends in Bethany (Mary, Martha, and Lazarus) has been special to me. As I've pieced together a profile of Jesus' relationships with these siblings--and Mary, in particular--I've been warmed by the Lord's tenderness and intimacy in His interaction with them, and theirs with Him. I love Mary, especially, because I want my priorities to be the same as hers (everyone does, I guess). I love how she sits at His feet when He comes to dinner, listening to Him speak, instead of rushing around serving Him. And how she and her sister are so raw and open in their emotions with Jesus after their brother dies. 

As the new year begins, I am asking Jesus to be my Teacher. There are so many aspects of Who He is that I love... He is my Father, my Friend, My Lord, My King, My Savior, My Lover, My Deliverer... but there are so many things that I want to LEARN from Him that I'm going to try to focus on being a Mary; sitting at His feet and soaking in what He has to share with me. Practically, this means digging into the Word instead of skimming the surface. Meditating on what it says instead of just quickly reading to glean an encouraging nugget for the day then move on. It means learning to communicate with Him in prayer. This will take time and effort. But I want to be a Mary, so I'm asking Him to be my Teacher. Psalm 86:11- "Teach me Your ways, O Lord, and I will walk in Your truth! Give me an undivided heart, that I may fear Your name."

I began my list this morning:

-Teach me diligence and ambition.

-Teach me flexibility.

-Teach me to be more organized.

-Teach me to be an evangelist. 

-Teach me to be proactive about meeting needs around me.

-Teach me to disciple.

-Teach me to sit at your feet; learning and basking in Your presence!

-Teach me to love Your Word!

-Teach me to control myself: thoughts, appetites, words.

-Teach me the "Beatitudes" from Matthew 5-- to be poor in spirit, to mourn over what grieves Your heart, mercy, meekness, an appetite for righteousness, purity of heart, to be a peacemaker, and to be persecuted for Your name's sake.

-Teach me faith and trust. 

-Teach my frugality.

-Teach me generosity.

-Teach me to pray; passionately, fervently.

-Teach me to relish small moments.

-Teach me to delight in Your fingerprints all around me.

-Teach me to value time, not squander it. To number my days and gain a heart of wisdom.

-Teach me to be a better daughter, friend, sister, granddaughter...

-Teach me to keep my word, and not make trite promises I don't remember to fulfill.

-Teach me to hurt with and cry for others.

-Teach me to value others' time more than I value my own.

-Teach me to grow and feel loved when you chasten me, instead of letting condemnation crush me.

-Teach me to abide in You- to practice Your presence.

-Teach me to speak tenderly, graciously, cautiously, lovingly. And often, not at all. 

-Teach me to hate sin. In any form. And to grieve over its presence in my life or others'.

-Teach me to guard my eyes.

-Teach me to crave spiritual food more than I crave mindless entertainment.

-Teach me how much you love me.

-Teach me to hate (and fight!) apathy in my own life and in your church.

-Teach me to grieve over sin.

-Teach me to live in peace; not to let myself get frazzled and overwhelmed by life so easily.

-Teach me that people are priority.

-Teach me to memorize Your Word.

-Teach me to hope for what I long for, and not let my hope die!

-Teach me to burn with passion for my God. To desire you supremely. As my highest treasure.

-Teach me not to give up on other people easily. 

-Teach me to think the best. 

-Teach me what I don't even know I need to learn, yet. What are YOUR priorities for me?

And, perhaps I should add another--"Teach me not to become OVERWHELMED by all I have to learn." :) This is a tall order. I won't perfectly learn all these things in the New Year or even in the next 10 years, for that matter. But, I have the Master Teacher who delights in me and has made me His special project, creating me for good works such as these (Ephesians 2:10)! So, I know He's not overwhelmed by my list. :) 

I think the Teacher's eyes light up when we ask Him to teach us these things. I'm determined, with His help, to prioritize the time spent sitting at His feet learning this year. 

Like Mary did. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! 

For your listening enjoyment, I present a reshowing of 
"The Sibling Pipers"
with
~Auld Lang Syne~
(First presented to the world by Scott and Danielle S. on New Year's Eve of 2010, brought back by popular demand)

Some Christmas reflections...

And in despair I bowed my head:

                      "There is no peace on earth," I said,

"For hate is strong and mocks the song

Of peace on earth, good will to men."

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:

"God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;

The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,

With peace on earth, good will to men."

My heart has been so heavy. So many people are hurting.

-My friend's brother just died from alcohol poisoning. He was about my age.
-The last little child was buried today from the massacre in Connecticut.
-Went to a movie and gaped at the ads for other films about to be released. Our culture is obsessed with witches and vampires, dark magic and death, zombies and ghosts. We are shocked when death, disguised as "entertainment," jumps off the screen or page and settles his clutches into our homes, our schools, our nation.
-A family member of mine is facing divorce and being mommy alone to two children this Christmas.
-Another of my family members, trying to stifle the pain of his lonely heart with drugs.
-My co-worker and friend has breast cancer and two little girls.
-My friend is tottering on the edge of abandoning Jesus because she can't understand Him.

This Christmas has been different. Because nearly every time I've thought about Jesus' miraculous, silent arrival to earth inside a virgin's womb my thoughts have also raced forward to His return. There will be absolutely nothing quiet and lowly about it next time. My heart keeps echoing the same cry over and over... "Come BACK! Come back again soon and make everything right again, Lord." I found Matthew 23:40 a few days ago. "...And they will see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of heaven with power and great glory.”  I read it over and over and pictured what that would be like. Jesus says that so many people--from every nation on earth-- will mourn because they didn't choose Him. But there will be so many people rejoicing and saying, "THIS is our God! We waited for Him and He is HERE!"

Oh, how differently His second coming will be!

• No tiny, helpless newborn wail; this time the very breath of his mouth will decimate His enemy! And along with His shout, and a deafening trumpet call! (2 Thessalonians 2:8, 1 Thessalonians 4:16)
• A dirty donkey on which to flee from the wrath of a ruler? NO! No puny earth-kings will stand against Him. A white stallion will carry the High King of Heaven! He will be a mighty, victorious King with an army in His wake, arrayed in a dazzling robe of white and no dirty tattered swaddling clothes! The brightness of His coming will not shine from just one single star, because He Himself will shine so brilliantly that He'll literally overwhelm the enemy with the blaze of His eye! His righteous, victorious vengeance will crush sin and evil forever. He will simultaneously strike terror and sear joy into the hearts of earth's inhabitants as He rides as a Mighty Warrior, his robe dipped in blood! (Revelations 19:11-16)
• No door will bar His entrance.  No manger to contain Him, for not even the mountain upon which His foot steps will be able to hold Him...it will split in two. (Zech. 14:4)

And yes...He will make everything right again.

Will you be ready at His second advent? And do you long for it!?

"Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day--and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing." -2 Tim. 4:8

Oh come, oh come, Emmanuel!

Some random Aussie pictures

Jet lag.

2:00 am. 

My brain is stubbornly refusing to shut down like a good little brain should and go to bed with the rest of my body. So, while lying here with my eyes wide open--or purposely squeezed shut, which is just as bad--and my mind whizzing at 100 MPH, it occurred to me that now is as good a time as any to get to that blog post I've been meaning to write! So I've dragged my computer to bed with me and I'll see how long I last. Maybe blogging is the proverbial "sheep counting" for me and will do the trick. Maybe in a few minutes my sleepy head will bob onto my keyboard and post a paragraph of jumbled letters and numbers for my friends and family to puzzle over tomorrow morning. 

At any rate, until that happens, let me tell you about the last stop of our Bright Lights ministry trip: The Land Downunda'! Woohoo! Traveling to Australia has finally been checked off from my bucket list! I've wanted to go for so long and my kind Father has granted me the desire. And granted it in such a perfect way. As much as I love to travel, I think I'd feel somewhat aimless--guilty, maybe-- just traveling the world without a purpose other than entertaining myself and seeing new sights. Jesus gave me the gift of being able to travel to Alaska, Asia, and Australia with an awesome team and for the purpose of investing in the lives of precious young ladies there. I've just kept marveling all two months of the trip because He's so kind!! 

I'll try to keep it to concise picture captions. :) These pictures are uploaded in no particular order, btw, in case any of the team reads this and is wondering what on earth I was thinking. ;)

On an off day, we enjoyed a train ride from downtown Melbourne to the country for... 

...A barby with friends! :)

Beautiful countryside.

Our team enjoyed an awesome evening at our new friends, the Langford's home. Here we're gazing out at kangaroos in the field just below their home! It was amazing. There were at least 20 kangaroos grazing and bouncing around while we ate our dinner on the porch and watched them. 

This big guy came for a drink. 

She kindly posed for a silhouette shot. 

The birds were noisy but oh, so beautiful. 

Mr. Langford took us on a breakneck-speed "buggy" ride through the fields after dinner, and we raced the kangaroos! A pretty unforgettable experience!

Sun setting in the Australian countryside. 

This picture doesn't do justice to the awesome time of singing we enjoyed before leaving the Langfords.  Some crazy good guitar pickin' and hilarious songs made for an atmosphere of joy with this family that we won't forget! 

On the last day of our time in Australia we went to a wildlife sanctuary and got some hands-on experience with Aussie animals! God's creativity never ceases to amaze me. And animals showcase it the most brilliantly of all!

It's called "I'll-lean-in-and-we'll-look-like-we're-good-buddies." 

I never realized how utterly adorable wombats are.
Utterly.
Adorable. 

And the KOALAS! I'm in love!

It's a kookaburra! 

The day after we arrived, friends took us to a park where wild birds will often come and eat out of your hands. It was such a magical experience! To have these wild creatures come of their own volition and trust us felt like a gift. It was amazing. I could have stayed there all day.

The turnout for the Radiant Purity and Strong in The Lord conferences was really great and people drove (or even flew!) from hours and hours away. It was amazing to know that they valued this teaching so much and it blessed our team to know that the truth of God's Word will be spreading like ripples throughout Australia as the girls return to their homes and begin discipling others. Awesome thought!

The weather was too gorgeous to keep my SiTL team cooped up indoors so we enjoyed meeting on the grass. What a precious time of fellowship and mutual encouragement! 

Buddy the skink! I almost stepped on the little guy one evening but he forgave and we made friends. He was the only reptile I saw in Australia. No crocs. Steve Irwin had given me the impression that they await you under every rock and in every tree. Feeling dissolutioned. 

Feeling a little cooped up one evening, Nickie, Jolynn and I set out on foot to find an Australian fish n' chips place.  The walk was longer than anticipated but ended up being a fun memory. :) Here, Nickie and I demonstrate our stubbornness. 

Yessss, we finally found it...

...And it was totally worth the walk!

My Aussie friends and I prepping for a skit :)

My awesome Radiant Purity team. 

This was the group of Australian leaders who helped us with the conferences. Precious sisters!

Sarah Ha and her entire family became such special friends to us. Everywhere we went on this trip we met servants of Christ who blessed us in SO MANY WAYS and the Ha family just kept on giving and giving and giving to our team! When I meet brothers and sisters like them it makes me want to seize every opportunity I can to bless and serve other people whom God brings across my path. I'm so grateful for their fellowship and example. 

Eloise. Aussie tale-teller extraordinaire.
Don't believe this gal if she tells you there are such things as Drop Bears in Australia. 

Emily pulled one on me one evening after we had been talking about the various insects in Australia and girls had been horrifying me with stories of cockroaches and large spiders that actually climbed up their legs. Sneaking up behind me with that blade of grass, she gently stroked it up my leg and sent me screaming and kicking across the room. :) Got to watch these Aussies!

More later. It's after 3:30 am and.....glory be.... I'm getting sleepy!  

Well here we are, back in Singapore! A technologically advanced, beautiful, clean city with amazing architecture, good economy, and--you guessed it--yummy food. :) The above pic was taken as we walked downtown enjoying the spectacular skyline (whoops, did I just state the obvious...!?). We've enjoyed a few leisure days in-between conferences. In Singapore, "leisure" is the code word for "shopping" so one evening we hit the streets to see the sights and blow some Sing Dollars. I must interject here that there is something very, very romantic (or in our case "ro-tic" since, alas, there was no man among us) about a city at night. The air was muggy with a slight breeze and the strains of a Christmas song wafted from a store as we passed through.

Wait---

WHAT!?

White CHRISTMAS!?!?!?

Now that is strange. Bing Crosby crooning Christmas songs just seems a little twisted when we're sweating and strolling among palm trees wearing flip flops (us, not the palm trees) in Asia. It does not at all feel like the Christmas season. There are an abundance of lights but...where is the snow? Where are the warm spicy drinks? Where is the pair of boots I love to wear because they looks so cute with my black hat and red plaid scarf!? 

Ug! I MUST reprogram my mind because if I insist on traveling AND being so attached to holiday tradition and warm fuzzies for the rest of my life, I am destined to be traumatized during many more seasons to come. Because hot chocolate at 90 degrees just does NOT work. 

For Thanksgiving I skyped with mom. She showed me the turkeys brining, the pumpkin pie ready to be palaced in the oven, and--*sob!*--one of our newer Sobie traditions: pumpkin marzipans all lined up in rows on the counter. I ate Indian food that day. It was an unbelievably memorable Thanksgiving meal. CRAZY good, and I can't exactly complain since I know mom will make me a belated Thanksgiving dinner after I come home in December. 

All these memories and Christmas/Thanksgiving thoughts have me thinking about my family, my warm and inviting home, the rich spiritual meaning of the season for me, and the abundant, abundant blessings that overwhelm me each November and December. 

I am so blessed. I am almost ashamed and embarrassed at how easy I've had it, though I know that all blessings come from God's hand. I can't even describe how many little things I know I take for granted... clean, odorless bathrooms and quick, easy medical care and freedom to talk about whatever want to whomever I want, and a bed raised OFF the ground and no bugs infesting my home and the ability to own a car and the absence of fear when I enter my church and ....wow. It's endless. My life has been filled with one privilege after another and when I stop and think about it--particularly with the focus that being in Asia has brought, I am seriously, literally, overwhelmed. Consider this:

-In Malaysia, there are approx. 28 million ethnic Malay citizens. It is illegal to share the Gospel of Jesus with them. Because of this, it's estimated that there are only about 1 thousand Malay believers. If you were born as one of the 28 million Malays, someone would have to break the law and risk jail time to tell you about Jesus. So, most likely you would never hear.

-Today I listened to a friend of mine who has been working in China among handicapped children. She wept as she told us about the work she does and the children she has encountered. If they are handicapped there's a good chance that their parents will throw them away or give them to an orphanage. At one orphanage she visited she was prohibited from picking up any babies. "They don't cry...they just stare into space because they know they won't be fed or held if they cry anyways. But last time we had come and held them, they cried for a week afterwards. It was because they had hope that someone might come back and pick them up again." Hopeless babies? I have never even considered such a thing. That a human life would be deprived of hope before that person could even say a word or formulate a sentence. My heart breaks. 

-In Malaysia we spoke with a beautiful Christian woman who described the bondage her idols had held her in before Jesus delivered her. Every evening she was paralyzed for a time by the demonic power or her idols and she had no hope for deliverance until she heard the Truth and God set her free. I rejoiced with her but couldn't help but grieve for the millions of people who live in bondage to their idols and will never hear or accept the truth. Like the one Taoist shop owner who exclaimed to me about how REAL her idols were...how she could hear them and and even physically feel their presence when she sacrificed to them. 

-In the newspaper I read about the Buddhist monks who were begging on the street. They live a life depriving themselves of pleasure including the pleasure of food. They eat for nourishment ONLY. any sensual pleasure, they believe, keeps them from enlightenment. It broke my heart to know that these determined men are depriving themselves of the ALL the pleasures God designed us to enjoy...and yet will not reach eternal pleasure because of it! Can you imagine the pressure and needless deprivation of living life this way!? Because we can never hope to work our way to eternal joy and happiness and enlightenment; Only our merciful, powerful God can bring us there; and He DESIGNED us to delight in life, in food, in physical and mental and spiritual joys...in pleasure of all kinds!  What a frustrating life. 

I want God to open my heart to grieve for the things that make HIS heart grieve. I want to be aware of the sorrow in this world and do anything He calls me to do to heal a hurting world in the tiny space of time I will fill on earth. When I am in America I forget it so easily! I pray about my little problems and the problems of my friends but I must fight to remember to pray for the world... the broader picture. I don't want to keep forgetting. I want my heart and my perspective and my vision to be eternally changed. I want to be a "world Christian."  I want to learn how to be like my God, who is infinitely joyful, but infinitely pained. How does a human understand this? God must teach me because I don't know. Please comment if you have anything to add. My words fail, but this Michael Card song has been on my mind today and it captures EXACTLY what I've been thinking:

TEARS OF THE WORLD

In any split second of a moment of time,

In the blink that is one single day,

The sum of the sorrow that wraps round the world

Would catch every soul up and sweep them away.

As vast as the ocean, as deep as the sea,

Swept up in one toxic tide.

By warm salty waves the world weeps its woe

So how can it be that my own eyes are dry?

So open my eyes,

And open my heart,

And grant me the gift of Your grieving.

And awaken in me

The compassion to weep

Just one of the tears of the world.

When God walked among us in the fullness of time

He wept tears as old as the world

Acquainted with sorrow, he took up the cup

And drank every drop of the poison that heals. 

So open my eyes,

And open my heart,

And grant me the gift of Your grieving.

And awaken in me

The compassion to weep

Just one of the tears of the world.

Well, I'm out of words so that's a pretty good sign that I should wind up this post. 
Time to hit the hay--er, air mattress--because conference prep begins tomorrow! 

Love from Singapore. :)