-The Invisible Realities-

Honestly?
I've felt a little guilty this Christmas.
All the talk of "wonder" and "joy" and "miracles" and I didn't feel very awe-filled when I contemplated the Christmas story. It's not that I didn't want to feel the wonder of it all, it's just that I didn't... not to the extent I feel I should. And feelings like that can't just be conjured up out of thin air. I talked with my mom a little about it one morning as we were curled up on the couch talking (one of my favorite things to do... listen to my mom; to what she's gathering from her time with the Lord each morning. She expresses it so well and her excitement about the Teacher's lessons get ME excited about them!) She suggested I pray and ask Him to renew the wonder for me; to open up some kind of new insight.

Part of me was dubious because the Christmas story has seemed a little "strip mined." You know what I mean? We get spiritual applications out of everyone from the sheep that lent it's wool in the stable to the Little Drummer Boy. (Oh, well neither were actually IN the Biblical account but of course there was a drummer boy and definitely, a sheep.... right? Right?)

I realized that God's Story could NEVER be strip mined, though. The problem was with me, not Him! So I began praying--daily I think--for some kind of new revelation or insight or "wonder." Praying that God would give it to me by Christmas. Realizing that I was praying for God to give me a gift I could not give myself. Feeling a little ashamed that I didn't feel it automatically.

December 25th came and went. Lots of warm and happy times with the family! Lots of thanking God for His unspeakable gift. Lots of joy! What an amazing Christmas it was.

But no new revelation. No new wonder.

It hit me a day late. The 26th. Not a new Biblical character to be amazed at or something I'd never thought of perhaps, but a new wonder at the story itself... of the little threads that tie this story into my own story. I won't print it all out here right now, but I will say this: God made this story come alive for me again. He loves to give good gifts to us.

How ashamed I am that I don't feel an automatic sense of awe when I contemplate Christmastime. It's hard to write here and I'm only writing it in an attempt to be honest. I SHOULD feel awestruck every time I picture the God-baby in the manger. I know many people do. I guess I've just heard it so many times. But He graciously renewed some of my wonder on December 26th, and reminded me that all I have to do is ask.

Ask!

Humble myself enough to say "Wow... this worshipful heart is something I should have and I don't! Oh please, Father.... would you give it to me?" I'm going to keep on asking for more and more wonder and delight in the God who I love, because I'm reminded this season that He gives freely.

Without reproach.

What grace!!!